So here's what I think of the 'sitch'
(photo unrelated to story)
Recently one of the wonderful Bochrim in our wonderful Yeshiva had an outburst. This resulted in a brawl over the most stupid thing and the kid went totally histerical. I decided that it's not my responsibility to break up fights here (then who's is it? I have no idea) but a fellow shliach instinctively went to try and bring some peace to the region. Since he was the first "Man" on the scene he had to calm the Bocher down as well. or at least he tried to.. like I said the kid was totally histerical, crying and shouting murder and threatening to call the police all at the same time. all the time the shliach had to hold him down and try to calm him.
Naturally the incident greatly distressed him. This is not the first time it's happened. Last zman a fight erupted over a freeken plate of food. The result was not a pretty one to say the least, one of them ended up in the hospital with a cut to his head. The other kid totally freaked out and of course the aforementioned shliach was the one who had to hold him for a half hour or so until he stopped bawling, and then talk to him and shoo away the tears.
Is this yeshivah meant for Bochrim with issues? yes. The reason they can't fit into other Yeshivas is because they have issues. But what kind of issues? spiritual issues? learning problems? or is it for Bochrim that can't cope because of their unbalanced mental state and emotional scars that result in major social incompetence? I guess the answer is yes because this Yeshivah is for "everyone", and where else can these bochrim go? -but is it logically possible?
The potential of this Yeshivah is great (see previous post). We are blessed with a Mashpia who has accomplished volumes already this year. Rabbi Berger is a phenomenal teacher and educator. Rabbi Smith is a Tzdadik B'sheim Hatoiar in who's merit this Yeshivah still stands. quite literally because he works like a dog -with nothing in return- to keep this place going and he has no life of his own because he makes himself available to the Bochrim 24/7 (again literely) (now if only they had someone who actually ran this yeshiva....). There are Bochrim here who are poshut amichaye to be with, geshmake guys, and they are waiting for you to help them through this difficult chapter of their lives. But there are those that make it phoshet unlivable here. The aforementioned fights are only isolated incidents, but the insanity is day to day life here. I mean where else is it "normal" to walk in to the dining room to eat a meal and you have to endure somebody screaming on the top of his lungs just because that is the only method of receiving attention he ever knew of?! or in middle of davening he must continuously harass somebody even though he knows that he's causing him to hate him more and more, just because this bochur has not a single friend in the world and therefore has nothing to loose?! Where else can you fond a Bochur who incites the Mashgiach to a point of wrestling on average three times a day?! (then again not every Mashgiach is like ours....)
If your from Yeshiva and your reading this, your probably thinking of one certain Bocher. but in truth I just was bringing the extreme cases as an example. In truth I could think of about 12 Bochrim who could go under the category of what I call social suicide. These kids do not know how to relate their feeling to others in a social Yeshivah environment. When that happens then they feel threatened. that results in the outbursts. That's more then a third of Yeshiva! The Yeshiva will accept anyone as long as they will pay. They (at least most of them) are not making friends here rather they are just making bigger enemies because when you so much baggage in one environment the result is explosive.
Of course some of these Bochrim have grown and matured immensely (relatively speaking) by being here. But at what cost???!!! If you had two or three of them you could still preserve a Yeshiva-type environment here, but with a third of the Yeshiva making sure the rest of the Bochrim and the Shluchim are kept at wits end, how can you expect the "Yeshiva" to function properly?! Of course we wont forget that these are also precious neshomos as much as anyone else. and their parents have nowhere else to send them, but are we gaining or losing here? The mentality of the Hanholo seems to be that if the yeshiva is still functioning to some extant then that means success. Although I must admit they do have a point, keeping this yeshiva afloat with a load like this is no small feat. But how much are we gaining as appose to losing? With the moral being brought down as much as it is due to the situation, why should the other Bochrim -the ones that are here because being in Yeshiva is their main challenge- why should they want to be in Yeshiva when they could lead sane lives elsewhere?! What have we gained then? We're just like any other Yeshiva that they've been to, being there just for the one and only reason that they must.
As for the emotionally challenged Bochrim, what is being done for them?! If their parents are paying 14 grand so that they can be helped, then where is it? Who is supposed to help them?! Their teachers? Their teachers who are a few years older then them, and are expected to teach them -not to mention counsel them, even freekin hold them down when needed- more out of their goodwill then what they receive in return?!
Where is a psychologist for heaven's sake?!?! Dr. Agulnik?! Are you freeken kidding me?!?!?!!!!!! Are you freeken kidding me?!?!?!!!!!!!
So what's the solution? Leave? I don't think I came to leave. The work here is immense, the potential limitless. But must it be this way?
If the Bochrim who are pulling down the moral of the rest, are not gaining as much as the others are losing, then perhaps it's better to do without them.
It's true that the rotten apples are apples just like the others, but I ask you, what about the rest of the basket? Why not save them if you can?
posted by Baruch @ 7:05 PM
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